A father watches his older daughter patiently help her little brother tie his shoelaces. She doesn’t show off or give instructions; she’s simply there, helping him at his pace until he gets it right.
This simple interaction captures something profound: in a family, love isn’t measured by how we feel but in what we do to promote other people’s growth. Love isn’t just affection: it’s a conscious decision and a sustained effort to help those around us grow and thrive.
Familial love is more than total adoration of our children, partner or siblings. It means asking ourselves with brutal honesty: What am I doing to help this person become a better, freer, more mature and more generous version of themselves?”
This involves shifting the perspective from “what I get” to “what I give,” transforming the family into a space for collective growth.
Cultivating values in the family firm
All families transmit values, whether they want to or not. But as explored in my previous article, there’s a multiplier effect in business families: the values absorbed at home directly shape the next generation’s approach to ownership, leadership and decision-making in the company.
Children learn the true meaning of responsibility and respect by observing their parents daily actions, such as:
- How they treat each other
- How they talk about employees and business partners
- How they respond when faced with aging parents, an uncle’s illness or a cousin’s financial woes
A strong, ethical foundation for the company’s future is laid when the family proactively transmits the message: “We take care of each other, help each other grow and make a positive impact beyond our family circle.”
Conversely, growing up in an atmosphere of mistrust, sarcasm and indifference teaches negative patterns that future shareholders are likely to repeat in the firm’s governance.
Three ways to create a culture based on love and service
For the leaders of family-owned firms, the desire to instill foundations values isn’t enough—there is work to be done. Here are a few practical insights:
1 – Teach by example, not admonitions
Parents and family elders set the standard.
Accompanying an ailing relative to a medical appointment, discreetly supporting a struggling employee and speaking respectfully about people who aren’t in the room all transmit values louder than words. Children learn, “This is how things work in our family.”
2 – Create opportunities for collective service
Personal involvement is crucial to fostering family values, far more so than monetary contributions.
A family’s decision to visit an older relative with younger members or involve them in community events or company-sponsored charities speaks volumes about its values and instills a spirit of service.
3 – Promote effective conflict resolution and an emotionally healthy climate
Tensions are inevitable in every family—what matters is how they are managed.
Learning how to “agree to disagree” with respect and knowing when and how to apologize when we fall short of expectations teaches younger generations that conflict isn’t a battle field, it’s an opportunity for growth and development.
This emotional intelligence is essential for business families, where differences of opinion regarding governance and ownership are commonplace.
Families that take on the responsibility of helping each other grow raise children capable of mature love: love expressed with generosity, accountability and the desire to serve others.
When years later these children serve on the board of the family business, their deeper understanding of love will translate into a more people-centric style of leadership, one that holds people to higher standards and focuses on the greater good of all company stakeholders.
And that may well be the most valuable legacy one generation can pass down to the next.
Homepage image: Anna Kolosyuk on Unsplash
