Years ago in a family business, both the president (father) and CEO (son) made the same confession: “We constantly clash and argue in every meeting—right in front of our managers.” I told them we needed to find a solution.
Their response came in unison—blunt and unequivocal: “This problem has no solution.”
I decided to take their declaration as a personal challenge. In the years since, I have encountered numerous instances of intergenerational conflict in different business settings and generational contexts.
The roots of intergenerational conflict
Intergenerational conflict is extremely common in family-owned firms, and there is no easy solution. These situations are inherently complex, shaped by a web of emotions, past experiences, egos and power dynamics.
These aren’t mere differences of opinion—they are identity clashes, misaligned expectations, conflicted emotions and over-familiarity that is easily misread. Over time, a disconnect can emerge between family logic (emotional) and business logic (rational).
The result: a perfect storm that generates insecurity for individuals and the family, and instability for the company.
To finding solutions to this critical challenge, I first try to identify its underlying drivers and then work to develop effective processes based on three core principles.
3 strategies for addressing intergenerational conflict
1 – Distinguish between family dynamics from business operations
Understand the difference between family relationships (based on love and shared history) and business relationships (based on roles and performance)—and keep them separate.
Blurring these lines creates conflict in both realms. The dinner table and the boardroom are equally important and each demands their own distinct communication style.
2 – Establish a formal governance structure with clear roles for each family member
Don’t fall into the trap of “we’ve always done it this way” or “our family is different.” There’s no need to reinvent the wheel. Business schools teach proven governance frameworks—use them. Follow established best practices rather than making it up as you go.
3 – Communicate based on documented facts, not memory
I’m amazed at how rarely family businesses take meeting notes. What I hear constantly are comments like this: “I don’t remember agreeing to that” or “I already told you about this.”
Work with professionalism. Make clear, concise decisions. Delegate with accountability. Maintain agendas and minutes, and track your performance and progress. Follow the sheet music—don’t play by ear.
From confrontation to collaboration
Building on these foundations, intergenerational relationships can be transformed from a battleground into a collaborative space where experience, perspectives and knowledge can freely flow.
When generations think, act and decide together, they build a shared vision and strategy for the future. Each generation brings essential value to the table.
Never normalize conflict as “business as usual”
As a closing thought, think of the frog in the pot. Drop it into boiling water and it will leap out immediately. But place it in warm water and slowly raise the heat, and it adjusts, unaware of the danger. By the time the water boils, it’s too late—the frog is too weak to escape.
Mistakes are part of being human, but we must be careful not to repeat them—or, worse, to accept them as normal. Intergenerational tensions, if left to fester, can quietly corrode trust within the family and weaken stability at work.
Yet, when guided by generosity of spirit, business families can turn conflict into a catalyst for growth—strengthening both their relationships and their enterprises.
Homepage image: Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash